An open letter to my mental illness,

An open letter to my mental illness,

For years I hid you away, not just from the world outside my head but from myself, I persuaded myself so much that you weren't real that I actually began believing it, until you were poisoning my mind so much that I burst. I felt so alone and so scared that I thought that suicide was the only way to make things better. When I finally opened up to people and spoke about it, it got better. I realized I wasn't the only person feeling this way.

You've made me the person I am. You've made parts of my life a misery. I've missed so many events, days out, opportunities because I didn't like the person I was. You've made the simplest of tasks become the biggest of challenges, panic attacks sure do like to pop up and surprise you. But, you've also made me much more compassionate and made me not want to ever not be kind to someone because we're all going through things. Even if they're not visible to outside world.

It feels like every year I start with saying that this is the year I'm going to be happy: genuinely, consistently happy. I'm really not fussed about having lots of money or anything like that, I just want to be happy and actually like myself. Which is why it makes it so crippling that I'm struggling so much. I guess you have to admit it to help yourself get better. It seems like my main emotion is sadness, when I want to be happy so badly.

I am getting better though. Slowly. I think I've come to terms that I will never truly get rid of you. You've been around for as long back as I can remember that it almost seems strange thinking of a life without you. I just hope one day I can get to a stage where we live in harmony. It makes me stronger knowing that there are millions of other people fighting to stay strong just like me, but it doesn't have to become who I am.

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If you're reading this and you ever feel like you're alone. Just remember that you've come this far, you're strong and you can beat this. You will be happy. With 1/3 people suspected to have/ have had a mental illness at some point, it's now more important than ever before to raise awareness of mental health. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.

Make sure you're kind to everyone because you're not aware of what is happening in there head. Life is difficult so we do not need to make life any harder on each other. Stay strong people of the internet <3